Authenticity, Masking, and Imposter Syndrome: A Reflection on Navigating Ourselves at Work and Beyond
Oops, someone asked me what I was thinking and I answered!!!
In a crowded meeting, or store, we often carry parts of ourselves we choose to keep hidden. Sometimes we choose to try to blend in and mask our inner thoughts and realities. And sometimes we should choose harder to blend in.
One recent Sunday, my partner and I decided to walk to The Strand. We had time. It was noon, and we had to be at the opera by 3pm. My “Tetris brain” was hard at work, mentally mapping out the next three hours. We had to change clothes before the show, and also were on a mission to stop at the library for some books for the kids, as well as a few other errands.
As we walked through The Strand on a mission (I was picking up the latest Sally Rooney book for a flight, and she was looking for a book about Graph Matrices), we were distracted by the enchanting books around us, as one tends to be in that book store.
As I slowly snap out of my trance, I suddenly become aware that the Tetris blocks are getting dangerously close to the top of the screen. Mesmerized by the rows of books, my partner picked up another one.
She looked up at my face and saw my gears turning, and asked what I was thinking. I replied honestly: I was wondering how long it would take you to find a book about Graph Matrices. She looked a bit thrown, and I realized that my inner thought should have stayed hidden. Instead of sharing my actual needs at that moment, I answered her question directly. My thoughts on planning to support the broad range of wants for the day came across as impatient—even judgmental. Deep down I knew this as there was a reason I was thinking these things and not speaking those things to her. Yet in a safe environment it’s easy to “bring my authentic self” and still miss the mark.
In the midst of a city full of life and movement, each person is living out their own rich inner world. We all have things going on in our heads that should stay there. And at work, that’s especially true. We all hide.
Masking At Work
So, when people say, “Bring your authentic self to work!” I wonder if that’s wise. We all hide aspects of ourselves, especially at work. These often small and many adjustments—known as masking—are often a necessity, helping us fit within social norms. For neurodivergent individuals, masking can involve concealing natural responses to avoid judgment. It could mean imitating social cues or toning down intense reactions, like eye contact or stimming (repetitive movements), to appear more “neurotypical.” For example, I’ve learned to mask my naturally intense eye contact with a quick eye-flick to help others feel at ease.
In high-stake moments, I would be competent in navigating this communication challenge that I blundered at the bookstore. Treating every moment of the day as a high-stakes moment requires an exhausting amount of masking.
Masking is adjusting your behavior to suit the norms of a social context. I suspect the way you behave in a stadium isn’t the way you behave in a library. Yet neurodivergent individuals mask more often than others to avoid negative consequences for their different behaviors and way of thinking.
Even those who identify as neurotypical often adjust their behavior based on social context, which can feel similar to masking or code-switching. Is it masking to keep a pregnancy private during the first trimester to avoid difficult conversations if something goes wrong? Or when you’re the only person of color in a white workplace and choose to shift your language? Or when you’re the only woman in the boardroom and downplay feminine traits to blend in?
Imposter Syndrome
When I think about being authentic at work, I also think about “imposter syndrome.” Imposter syndrome is when we feel like we are only doing well because we’re faking “normal” behavior and fear that others will eventually see our true self as incapable or different. There is a persistent worry that our success is undeserved, that our carefully constructed “normal” is fragile, and that others might see through it. Imposter syndrome is the friction in staying hidden. It’s the felling like the “jig is up” in the next moment, a fear being “found out” which can result in becoming a socially or professionally outcast.
For neurodivergent individuals, imposter syndrome compounds with masking. It’s that nagging sense that, despite doing well, we’re just faking it.
While masking is about how we interact with others, imposter syndrome is the private struggle over whether we’re worthy. For me, as long as I have the confidence to believe I am capable and worthy, I can mask freely without feeling inauthentic.
Final Thoughts
You can belong in a space, even if you don’t bring every part of your whole self to that space.
Sometimes, keeping parts of ourselves hidden is what makes room for us in new situations. While not often echoed by neurodiversity influencers, bringing only parts of ourselves can actually be the best route.
Sometimes blending in offers a necessary respite. Blending in doesn’t mean leaving yourself behind. Instead, it’s a reminder that we carry all our layers, fitting and unfitting, and that there’s beauty in simply knowing and accepting ourselves as we move forward.
I recommend keeping this in mind the next time you find yourself in a bookstore impatient to leave.
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